I can't handle being homeless but not for the reasons you think...I'm vain

I was in the bathroom on Friday cause the bitch Lady Flo was here and as I was doing my business I started thinking about all the homeless woman. Don’t ask, I have no idea and all of sudden I became petrified of becoming homeless. I know some people have no choice and most of us are probably a pay check away from becoming but being homeless scares the shit out of me and not for the reasons you think. And before you get all judgy McJudgster and say things like people don’t choose to be homeless, you should be grateful that you do have a home, there are kids who are homeless and are dying everyday….I know all these things and I’m very grateful for the things that I have and I wish homelessness on no one and I hope that I am never put in a situation that I am homeless, this post is expressing my vainness and even thought I like to think I’m tough and can handle anything (which I probably could if put in a situation that calls for that) I’ve also realized I’m vain when it comes to certain things that a lot of people consider luxuries. With that said here are 7 things that scare me to no end about becoming homeless

1. PERIOD. What will I do about my period? When you’re homeless there’s almost no money for food and drinks let alone for pads. What the hell would I do? What do homeless women do? I mean all that red stuff, where would it go & don’t even get me started about the smell or a dirty pad….blood stinks.

2. FOOD. I’m picky about my food. Going back to money problems what would I do for food? I just can’t pick food from the garbage…I just can’t. Maybe if I was very hungry I would have to but I’ve known to go hungry at home cause I don’t feel like eating anything. I also get skived out easily. My kids have known to spit out their food…RIGHT IN THEIR PLATE EVERY TIME and I just have to look away (& have the hubs clean up) or there goes my dinner….kids really are GROSS. I can just imagine taking something from the garbage and totally throwing up while looking and thinking that someone else’s mouth (saliva), hands and dirt are on it.

3. SLEEP. Where would I sleep? I love my comfy bed. Although I can fall asleep almost anywhere (proven by the fact that I fall asleep almost every evening on the train going home) I still can’t see myself sleeping on a concrete floor with cardboard boxes as my blankets.

4. DIRT. I’m a clean freak. I like everything clean and organized. Those are the last two qualities a homeless person can afford to have. The clothes, food, the street…it’s all dirty, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself after I couldn’t change my clothes for a day let alone for weeks, months, years.

5. HYGIENE. If you’ve even been in the presence of a homeless person you know they posses a certain smell (fine most of the time they stink). I always wonder can they smell themselves & if they can how do they handle it 24/7. I don’t spend my life having the smell of roses under my nose but can you imagine having someone’s fart smell under your nose….CONSTANTLY. I honestly hope they can’t smell themselves which brings me to another point what if people who are not homeless have a certain odor to them and are going about their life worry free when in fact people are avoiding them cause they stink. And although now that I'm a mother I don't get the luxury of a daily shower I do at least get it almost every other day and I feel so good and clean after.

6. I’M COLD. I’m almost always cold (I'm cold sitting in my office now)..…summer, fall, spring or winter. I usually have a swear or a jacket with me. People look at me like I’m crazy carrying a jacket in the summer but who cares I’m cold and one of the worst feelings for me is to be cold. I was born in the summer so I LOVE the hot weather. I really should move to Hawaii. Anyway I’m getting sidetracked. I know (cause I’ve seen) homeless people wear layers of clothes….BUT when its like -10 F and it's 2 in the morning I’m sure they’re also cold. During the winter months I go outside only when I have to (work, food shopping, visiting people). You will NEVER catch me just “taking a walk” unless it’s June, July or August. Imagine being outside ALL THE TIME when it’s COLD…bbbbbrrrrrr just thinking about it.

7. I’M A PUSSY. There I said it. I get scared easily in the dark. I will not take the train when its late (like past 8 PM), I will not go to the store when its late, when I have gone out and came home late I’ve had my husband come outside so he can help me look for parking and we can walk home together. When I was younger and single and would go out and come home late I use to park right in front of my builder which happened to have a hydrant right next to it. I’m not proud but I’m sure I helped out the City of New York financially with all the parking tickets I got BUT I didn’t care…I DO NOT WALK OUTSIDE BY MYSELF IN THE DARK. I think the only exception would be if there was an emergency involving my kids then I would be like Wonder/Super Woman taking on anyone that stood in my way. With all this said how could I possibly sit or sleep outside ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT?