I am epically awesome....and a douche bag

Sometimes I really am a douche bag. I mean here’s an awesome blogger My Life As Lucille awarding me with the Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness and what do I do…..I wait for like 3 weeks to accept it…I am in a way a bloghole but more of an asshole. So without waiting even more and having her take it away here it is.

The Rules For The Epically Awesome Award of Awesomeness

1. Tell 10 epic and/or awesome facts about yourself. That's it

2. Pass this onto to 10 other epically awesome bloggers

10 things I think might be epic, awesome or whatever

about me or not depending on your opinion

1. I am a clean freak. I have been one since I was about 16. When I was younger my mom was the clean freak and all I kept thinking about was the day that I could move out and live in my own filth without anyone telling me to clean up. Of course by the time I got old enough to move out I had already gotten the disease and I actually couldn’t wait to move out cause my mom was no longer clean to my standards. She’s a clean woman don’t get me wrong but I went thru this phase of my life where I would be down on all fours cleaning square by square of our kitchen floor first with Alex, than Mr. Clean and at the end with Windex to give it a shine. Of course now that I have kids they don't allow me to be a clean freak and that drives me crazy...a lot of times.

2. I graduated High School on time. I know this doesn’t seem like a big achievement and if my kids put this one day as an achievement I will kick they little sh*t butts cause HELLO ass you’re suppose to graduate on time. But I’m proud of this because (even though my High School wasn’t bad it is/was average) out of the 5 girls that I hung with I’m the only one that graduated on time. So there I’m proud of that.

3. I’ve been published just like My Life As Lucille except on a smaller scale. Back when I was in my early 20’s I had notice for a couple of years (and it still happens today) that the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Plaza is taken down on the 6^th of January every year. The 6^th of January happens to be Christmas Eve for my religion (Greek Orthodox, no I’m not Greek that is just my religion) so it got me thinking were the organizers of The Christmas Tree doing this on purpose (I found our later no they aren’t, there’s an actual reason for this but I forgot what it is and I’m too lazy to Google now). Anyway the local newspaper had a page dedicated to “Voice of the People” and it was basically a page that printed almost anything and everything an individual wanted to write about either a complaint or compliment for New York. Well I wrote something like “Why is the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Plaza taken down every year on January 6^th? Last time I checked Catholicism is not the only religion in New York or the world?” and they published it!

4. I gave birth to a 9.3oz baby. NO NOT NATURALLY…CAN YOU IMAGINE. Why is this epic…well because 1. I say so and 2. because I’m 5’5” and was (notice was) 115lbs and after my 7^th month people who saw me on the street either thought I was carrying twins (no just one baby), was due any day now (no I had two more months to go) and when the last two would be said to them they would look at me like “OMG this girl is going to explode” and they would get this look of pure horror in their eyes.

5. I was prom queen in High School. No I wasn’t chosen by the people it was one of those things where before you entered prom you had to put your name on a piece of paper and if they pulled out your name YOU WIN! Well there I was sitting at my table and they start calling names and they get to queen and said a name that sounded like mine but there was another girl there that had a similar name so I thought they were calling her name. So I just sit there. Than they say the name again and my friend is like that’s you and I’m like no it’s not and than I notice the whole senior glass is staring at me and the lights are on me and I was OH SHIT I WON….BTW this is the only thing I’ve won EVER in my life….I’ll take winning the lottery over winning this…I’ll trade whoever is in charge (not really….yes really)

6. I am one of the most sarcastic people EVER. Family & friends have been telling me this for years, my older son started noticing this recently and doesn’t appreciate it much but he’ll come around….they all do. It’s contagious.  Also I make people laugh ALL THE TIME.

Apparently I’m not so epic or awesome I can’t think of anything beyond this point.

Ok ok I got a few more

7. I’m an awesome cook. I know this because my husband used to be skinny and now he’s not. I know this because the last time my friends came over and I was feeling lazy and decided to order pizza my son and my friend’s son both complain and demanded that I must cook next time because my cooking is awesome!

8. I am a great friend. I’ve maintained a friendship with 4 girls for the last 19 years (for those counting since we were 15). We made it thru teenage years and early 20’s and we’re close as can be.

9. I’m still married and a mother of two kids. Why is the epic….because I am amazed and ohsoproud of myself that for how long them 3 have driven me crazy on almost daily basis I still haven’t killed them or run away to the wonderful and beautiful beaches of Hawaii…that’s why its epic & awesome!!!

10. I’m a great (a little obsessed) fan of FUN. I know this has nothing to do with the award but I couldn’t think of anything else and I’ll use any excuse to talk about them.

10 Bloggers I think are also Epically Awesome

Something Clever 2.0

A Grace Full Life

It’s not like it's rocket surgery

Life’s too short to play possum

That Suburban Momma

The Bearded Iris

Suburbia Interrupted

It is Interesting To Note

Jeneral Insanity

The Six-Fingered Monkey

I can't handle being homeless but not for the reasons you think...I'm vain

I was in the bathroom on Friday cause the bitch Lady Flo was here and as I was doing my business I started thinking about all the homeless woman. Don’t ask, I have no idea and all of sudden I became petrified of becoming homeless. I know some people have no choice and most of us are probably a pay check away from becoming but being homeless scares the shit out of me and not for the reasons you think. And before you get all judgy McJudgster and say things like people don’t choose to be homeless, you should be grateful that you do have a home, there are kids who are homeless and are dying everyday….I know all these things and I’m very grateful for the things that I have and I wish homelessness on no one and I hope that I am never put in a situation that I am homeless, this post is expressing my vainness and even thought I like to think I’m tough and can handle anything (which I probably could if put in a situation that calls for that) I’ve also realized I’m vain when it comes to certain things that a lot of people consider luxuries. With that said here are 7 things that scare me to no end about becoming homeless

1. PERIOD. What will I do about my period? When you’re homeless there’s almost no money for food and drinks let alone for pads. What the hell would I do? What do homeless women do? I mean all that red stuff, where would it go & don’t even get me started about the smell or a dirty pad….blood stinks.

2. FOOD. I’m picky about my food. Going back to money problems what would I do for food? I just can’t pick food from the garbage…I just can’t. Maybe if I was very hungry I would have to but I’ve known to go hungry at home cause I don’t feel like eating anything. I also get skived out easily. My kids have known to spit out their food…RIGHT IN THEIR PLATE EVERY TIME and I just have to look away (& have the hubs clean up) or there goes my dinner….kids really are GROSS. I can just imagine taking something from the garbage and totally throwing up while looking and thinking that someone else’s mouth (saliva), hands and dirt are on it.

3. SLEEP. Where would I sleep? I love my comfy bed. Although I can fall asleep almost anywhere (proven by the fact that I fall asleep almost every evening on the train going home) I still can’t see myself sleeping on a concrete floor with cardboard boxes as my blankets.

4. DIRT. I’m a clean freak. I like everything clean and organized. Those are the last two qualities a homeless person can afford to have. The clothes, food, the street…it’s all dirty, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself after I couldn’t change my clothes for a day let alone for weeks, months, years.

5. HYGIENE. If you’ve even been in the presence of a homeless person you know they posses a certain smell (fine most of the time they stink). I always wonder can they smell themselves & if they can how do they handle it 24/7. I don’t spend my life having the smell of roses under my nose but can you imagine having someone’s fart smell under your nose….CONSTANTLY. I honestly hope they can’t smell themselves which brings me to another point what if people who are not homeless have a certain odor to them and are going about their life worry free when in fact people are avoiding them cause they stink. And although now that I'm a mother I don't get the luxury of a daily shower I do at least get it almost every other day and I feel so good and clean after.

6. I’M COLD. I’m almost always cold (I'm cold sitting in my office now)..…summer, fall, spring or winter. I usually have a swear or a jacket with me. People look at me like I’m crazy carrying a jacket in the summer but who cares I’m cold and one of the worst feelings for me is to be cold. I was born in the summer so I LOVE the hot weather. I really should move to Hawaii. Anyway I’m getting sidetracked. I know (cause I’ve seen) homeless people wear layers of clothes….BUT when its like -10 F and it's 2 in the morning I’m sure they’re also cold. During the winter months I go outside only when I have to (work, food shopping, visiting people). You will NEVER catch me just “taking a walk” unless it’s June, July or August. Imagine being outside ALL THE TIME when it’s COLD…bbbbbrrrrrr just thinking about it.

7. I’M A PUSSY. There I said it. I get scared easily in the dark. I will not take the train when its late (like past 8 PM), I will not go to the store when its late, when I have gone out and came home late I’ve had my husband come outside so he can help me look for parking and we can walk home together. When I was younger and single and would go out and come home late I use to park right in front of my builder which happened to have a hydrant right next to it. I’m not proud but I’m sure I helped out the City of New York financially with all the parking tickets I got BUT I didn’t care…I DO NOT WALK OUTSIDE BY MYSELF IN THE DARK. I think the only exception would be if there was an emergency involving my kids then I would be like Wonder/Super Woman taking on anyone that stood in my way. With all this said how could I possibly sit or sleep outside ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT?

Parenting???

I’ve been debating for some time about whether I should or shouldn’t do this post. I try to post only funny/semi-funny or light posts. I’m not one to post controversial topics. Not because I don’t know any but simply its not why I started this blog. I got enough scary/not funny shit happening IRL I try not to bring it here and I know we're supposed to do controversial topic next week but this is about parenting so I'm putting it out there today. I'm sure I can come up with something else next week.

 

 I know that some people who read this post it will have big reactions. Some of you will agree with what I say and others will think “who the fuck does she think she is judging like this”. Honestly I’m not judging (well maybe a little this time). I never judge or at least I don’t judge out loud. We all have different opinions and I never try to tell someone’s opinion is wrong and mine is right.

Now first let me tell what I’m talking about. A couple of weeks ago I went to my personal FB page. I didn’t have much time so I just looked at a couple of post on my news feed and one of the news feeds was from a friend that said something along the lines of “Lets all keep so and so (also a friend of mine on FB) in our hears and minds today as her child died”. Anytime I hear a child has died I just can’t handle this. I’m not big on religion but when a child does die and a fucking psychopath lives and kills and lives to be 100 I just don’t understand and wonder how GOD or whoever could allow this to happen. After I read her post one my kids/husband or something needed something so I logged off and went about my day but I just kept thinking about this woman and how she must be feeling today. My heart broke for her and her family and I hoped that she had a good support system that would get her thru this terrible TERRIBLE tragedy. Later in the day I had time to go back on FB and saw another post from another friend also saying how sad it was that so and so lost her child and if we could keep her and her family in our prayers. So than I went on her (the woman who lost her child) page because honestly I didn’t remember her ever posting that her child was sick in anyway or anything like that and my heart was breaking for her and her loss. I did know that her son was young (still an infant) and I had seen some pictures of him but since we weren’t close friends we didn’t have much contact on FB except for her reading my posts and me hers AND by going to her page I found out how other friends knew of her tragedy and the reason for my post today.

When I went on her page one of the first posts that I saw was from her stating something like “I am so sad. Our beloved child died last night. I am so heart broken. We didn’t expect this, it was so sudden. We’re not even sure what he died from, there are tests that have to be done to see if it was from SIDS or something else”. She posted this sometime that morning. One of my first thoughts was WHAT THE FUCK, I MUST BE READING THIS WRONG???? I had to read her post over and over again and I still couldn’t believe what I was reading. Her child had died just some hours ago (probably less than 12) and she was posting this on FB. I hate to judge people and I know people grieve in different ways but this THIS I just, this was unbelievable. What kind of a society have we become? When did FB become out lifeline to everyone and everything.

I have never claimed to love my kids more than any other parent. I think sometimes you can tell that a parent doesn’t like their child by the way he/she is treated and sometimes you hear adults telling stories of how their parents treated them and you can’t help but think they really weren’t care for/loved as much as they should have. With that said if my child had died unexpectedly or from an illness or anything else I doubt it that I would have the will to live and probably the only thing that would keep me going is that I have another child to care for. You would absolutely NOT catch me on FB or twitter posting the death of my child less than 24 hours after it happened. I can't even imagine being able to do anything eat/drink/talk or anything else for a long time. Whenever something bad has happened to me (thankfully nothing ever major) my first instinct was NEVER and NEVER WILL BE “I’ll post this on FB”.

Am I the only one seeing the wrong in this? Her child had died and she was posting this on FB hours after it happened. I have some friends on FB that definitely post very personal stuff. Sometimes reading their posts I feel ashamed like I shouldn’t know this info, like I’m invading their private thoughts and than I wonder why they would post it for practically the whole world to see. Why have people started putting everything on FB? Why has FB become a place where anything and everything is posted?

This woman who lost her child broke my heart. I felt so terrible for her and her loss. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose a child. I had hoped that she would be able to get thru this with help from family and friends but honestly after I found out that she posted the death of her child on FB hours after it happened a part of me didn’t feel sorry for her. I still felt terrible for the child. A boy who would never get to experience his first day of school, first kiss (from a girl or boy which ever he chose), get married, have a job. I felt sorry that he was never given that chance. And I wondered why he was never given that chance. Why does GOD or whoever decided that some kids are never give a chance at these things? But as far as the mother…I just didn’t feel much for her. In a way I felt that she was a bad mother. I don’t know what kind of a mother she was when her child was alive, maybe the best there is BUT and this is my whole point HOW COULD SHE POST THE DEATH OF HER CHILD ON FB LESS THAN 24 HOURS AFTER HE HAD DIED UNEXPECTEDLY….HOW??????

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